Jesus had cool hair and strolled around with his top off. Ask your girlfriend or wife, she definitely fancies him. He’s cool looking, helped people out, was able to turn water into wine (big plus) and could do loads of cool tricks and had loads of mates. Anyway being that it is Good Friday, I thought I’d do a run-down of some Christian rock. Hey why not.
Skillet
These guys are like any of those modern rock bands that you see sneering on the cover of Kerrang! magazine these days (Remember that yoke? I picked it up the other day in “Tescos”. It’s worse than SMASH HITS at the nadir of it’s bubble-gum heydey). Heavy dumb riffs and angsty roaring at the camera. The anger just doesn’t have any authority though, no balls – and the singer is married to the guitarist. I guess that’s the snag with a lot of this stuff. It’s like trying to look rock ‘n’ roll while paying your TV license or ordering curtain material. Just not right.
Hillsong Youth/Hillsong United
These heads just recently changed from “United” to “Youth”. Anyway so what – theirs is the usual mix of puke-inducing loveage and predictable changes. When I’m driving lately I find myself listening to more and more Christian radio, being that there are two I can pick up in Cork now and that I find this stuff intriguing in it’s banality. It’s as if playing a minor chord would anger God or be un-Christian or something. Blander than a bread sandwich. Look at the video, it’s like they really didn’t expect that incredibly expectable chorus and they’re all spazzing their pants at the sound of it. Yawn.
Relient K
Firstly, that name. Sounds like a type of muesli for incontinent people. Or an oral gel for the topical treatment of gingivitis. Anyway – look we’ll ignore that. What are these guys on about…I’ve been locked in this cell….yeah….you hold the key….yeah…lost then I was found…yeah ok. You get the gist – X was bad, but then you (meaning God I guess) gave me Y (let’s say hope or love here) and then C was the result. C I imagine would be “I felt super” or indeed “things worked out“. Well whatever the story, the lads are pup-punk and sort of fresh-faced teeny guys. Sure let them off, the harmonies are well done and it all sounds ok, I suppose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvz0J0WBZPE
Underoath
This is more like it. At least there’s a nice sound to the singers voice and a great production AND they sound nice and dark. This band I don’t mind, I mean it sounds just like a modern heavy rock thing, Linkin Park-esque almost, and I’m not being reminded about the Bible or Zacheus or whatever so I can enjoy the tune. This was cool, ha ha I’m pretty surprised.
Brian “Head” Welch
I mean, first off it’s just KoRn (if you don’t know, this guy was in KoRn then found God and left to go solo). Do something else you brainless gonk – or at least try! He’s even singing like Jon Davis and has trotted out a similar-looking bass player. But it’s the tone of the video, the same songs that had allusions to child abuse and deviance on the cool old creepy KoRn albums now just have “I was lost etc” and “redemption”. It just feels cheap. It’s the same thing but I guess the context has changed. Wow great. What a fucking asshole.
Don’t be offended by this if you are into God. Music’s music.
